THE UNCHANGING OF SEASONS

Fall is officially upon us. The trees have erupted into starbursts of reds and oranges. There’s a crisp in the air. The days scream for pumpkin spice lattes and the nights cry for steaming cups of cider. Except none of that is true. I mean, it is fall, that’s true enough. But as I write this, the temperature where I am is still breaking into the high nineties. If I even think about putting on my favorite cute mustard yellow cardigan, my brow gets drenched in sweat. The only pumpkin spice beverage I’ve had this season has had to be iced. I am still living in a summer.

It’s an odd sensation, living in a world that is screaming at you that you must be in a season you’re not. It’s odd to look at everyone wearing their chunky knit sweaters when your world requires you to wear shorts and sandals. But this is where I am. This is the place I am living and it’d be silly to behave to the needs of a place where I don’t live. I might need a coat if I lived in Idaho, but I don’t live in Idaho.

I can feel like I’m lagging behind, like I’m not where I’m supposed to be, both literally and figuratively. Watching girls on Instagram enjoy their autumnal activities can inspire FOMO, but I know that eventually, inevitably the air will have to turn cooler, that fall will come. But when it’s newborn baby photos or buying their first house photos from old friends on Facebook, it doesn’t inspire desire but something closer to envy and, most insidiously, questioning what I am doing with my life. Where did I go wrong? Why am I not in the season that they are? How did I get stuck? Never mind that I don’t want what those friends have, not now anyway. The idea of being locked down with a mortgage or being responsible for another human being inspires in me nausea-inducing dread. And, sure fall has a lot of fun stuff, but it also has Halloween and horror really isn’t my thing. (Yes, one can enjoy spooky and horrifying entertainment regardless of the weather. This is an imperfect metaphor. Let’s acknowledge that and just keep going, shall we? Great.) Besides, I like summer. I like sunshine and iced beverages and sandals. If I’m enjoying the season I am in, the season where God has placed me, then what exactly is the point in making myself feel bad because others are enjoying a different season where God has placed them?

My autumn will come, or maybe it won’t. Maybe I’ll jump straight to winter, or maybe I’ll just shift from a continental summer to an island summer. Either way, I’ll be fine. Either way, I’ll have adventures and trials, joys and sorrows. The point is it doesn’t really matter what season I am in. It only matters that I enjoy it. I fully intend to enjoy this season, however long it may last.

#personal #sundry