Bookish Buzzwords

There are so many books to read and so little time to read them. The sad reality is that no one will be able to read all the books ever written, try as we might. So, the question becomes, how does one choose which book with which to spend her precious her time?

There are the recommendations of friends, or reviews from reputable sites, or the magical moment when a librarian/bookseller sees you haunting the aisles and literally thrusts a book into your hands with the assertion you’ll thank them later (for the record, every time this has happened, I did, in fact, thank such angels later). But sometimes you’re out in the wilderness on your own and must make the selection yourself.

In those cases, there are few buzzwords I look for, something on the cover, or in the blurb on the back, that will capture my imagination, that will make me say, “Yes, you, more than any other book here, are the one I want to take home with me.”

Here is a list, in no particular order, of 20 things that will often catch my eye and pique my interest and of 5 that will cause me to roll my eyes and walk on.

The Good

1. Near Eastern Setting

The Near East refers to western Asia (what is often referred to as the Middle East) and northern Africa (Egypt, Morocco, etc). When I come across a book set here or set in a fantasy setting that evokes the Near East, I am ALL ABOUT IT. Be it Baghdad or Agrabah, I will give that book a try.

2. Arabian Nights

Arabian Nights is a work similar to Grimm’s Fairy Tales. They are magical and ethereal with vivid characters. The actual text itself is a favorite of mine, Scheherazade is one of my favorite characters of all time, so if a book markets itself as an adaptation of or inspired by Nights, I will happily give it a go. (Even though Aladdin and Sinbad don’t technically fall into the Arabian Nights canon, stories inspired by them still apply to this category.)

3. Jewish History

Biblical stories, historical Jews in Diaspora, the founding of Israel – all of it is catnip to me.

4. Middle Eastern Mythology

Does your story contain a roc? A golem? Jinn? Then I’m 80% more likely to read it. It’s basic math.

5. Norse Mythology & Folklore

I took a course in college on Norse Mythology which included not only the Eddas (the stories about Thor and Freya and all the other people who show up in the Marvel movies) but also the sagas and the fairy tales. That class was dope and the stuff we read was doper and I’m always on the hunt for more stories like the ones on that syllabus.

6. Mythology & Folklore in General

Greek, Celtic, Hindu, African American. I have a Baskin Robbins approach to myth inspired stories. I’m talking variety.

7. Fairytale

I love stories that start with “Once Upon a Time” but they don’t necessarily have to end with a “Happily Ever After”. Give me magic, give me archetypal characters, give me quests and curses, give it all to me in essence if not in particulars – just give it to me!

8. East of the Sun, West of the Moon Retelling

East of the Sun, West of the Moon is the greatest fairytale that NOBODY KNOWS and it is a CRIME. I have managed scrounge up a few adaptations of the story, most of them Young Adult and underwhelming, but I will keep picking them up because I would do anything to find once again find the magic I felt when I read the original fairytale for the first time.

9. Beauty and the Beast Retelling

Several of the East of the Sun, West of the Moon adaptations I found were because I saw them mistakenly categorized as Beauty and the Beast adaptations. It makes sense – while the two fairytales are vastly different, they do share a few similar hallmarks. I love East best, but I loved Beauty first, and I will always be up to indulging in the love I still hold for this story. Bonus, it’s way easier to find Beauty adaptations and there’s a higher likelihood of finding a really well done one too.

10. Beach

I love the beach. Reading a book set on a beach means I’ll get to spend time (at least mentally) at the beach. There is no downside.

11. Ocean Living

A big part of why I love the beach is the ocean. Its immensity, its depths, its power, its capriciousness. Be they pirates or voyagers or whalers, if your characters are out on the open seas, I’ll be itching to hoist anchor and sail away wherever the waves (and the story) take us.

12. Mermaid

I’ve established I love both the ocean and fairytales/folklore. This is an obvious jump. Kindly mermaids, evil mermaids, hideous mermaids, gorgeous mermaids – they all are magical people who live in the ocean, which means they are awesome and I would like to get their stories into my brain.

13. Wolves

Lone wolfs. Wolf packs. Werewolves. If there is someone, somewhere who at some point howls, I'm down to read about it.

14. Horses

They say every girl has her horse phase. I certainly did, and I’ve never grown out of it. Horses are powerful and loyal and have distinct personalities. Pounding hooves on the beach, manes whipping back as the horse careens across the desert dunes, a velvet nose nuzzling a captured princess – these are the kinds of delicious scenes you can create adding a horse to your book. Who wouldn’t want that?

15. Texas

Well, first and foremost, it’s the greatest state in the union and you can fight me on that. Second, there have been six flags flown over Texas – that’s some majorly rich history to plumb, my friends. Texas has also been home to some larger than life characters, both historically and fictionally. It’s a crazy diverse state, both in history, culture, and geography. Also, there’s a good chance any story set here will have a horse in it, because stereotypes.

16. Sibling relationships

a. Sibling dynamics are fascinating. They are the people who know you best, can drive you the craziest, and are irrevocably placed in your life. That ground you see right there is fecund for storytelling. It’s like literary compost. You know the fruit is going to come out richer and sweeter for using it.

17. Art Thieves

a. I am a god-fearing, law-abiding woman. But if you have a character stealing priceless paintings or artifacts from a museum/private collection, I will eat that straight up with a spoon. Bonus points if there’s a cop/federal agent/private eye/insurance agent hunting them down.

18. The Rosalind

Blame my youthful exposure to stories like Mulan or Twelfth Night, but I will always love a good story where a lady dresses up like a dude so she can go off and have adventures.

19. The Clara Barton

We know what the men were doing during war (killing each other, mostly), but I love hearing about the lives of the ladies during wartime. The nurses out on the field, the ladies keeping things running on their own back at the ranch going, the women working in the factories to make bombs and airplanes and such. There are so many stories to be told, and I'm happy to slowly but surely make my way through them.

20. The Marie Curie

A woman writing plays in the 1500s. A woman attending university in the 1600s. A woman acting as physician in the 1700s. A woman, in a historical setting, living her life and not letting the patriarchy get her down. It’s a simple formula, but it works. It works WELL.

The Bad

1. Rockstars

Your guyliner and leather pants and artistic integrity can stay away from me, thankyouverymuch.

2. Marriage

You loved each other once, but now things are War of the Roses level toxic, and you throw your wedding china at the wall because she bought marmalade instead of the preserves you asked for, but you both know what you’re really angry about is her affair with the yoga instructor, Gunter, and I DON’T CARE.

3. Abuse

(Sorry, this one isn’t going to be funny.) I’m not the kind of person who needs the stories I read to be all sunshine and rainbows and happy times. I appreciate it when a story can acknowledge the darker sides of life. But when a story dwells on those darker aspects, when vile acts are the prime focus of the whole story, when I get scene after scene of detailed abuse – it’s too much.

4. Smurfette Syndrome

Your heroine is a BOSS. She’s the best at everything, the chosen one, that magical unicorn of a well-rounded female character. She’s also surrounded by a sea of dudes. Her mom’s dead. She has no female friends and miraculously manages to avoid sharing a single scene with the only other female character in the book (who is probably the secret girlfriend/concubine of Smurfette’s second in command). As a point of fact, she will not speak to one other female for the entirety of your 587 pages. But this book is totes feminist because you managed to have one female character that got treated like a human being and not a prop, so the women readers of the world are, like, duty bound to love this book. Except I’m not, and I don’t.

5. Manpain

You’re a misunderstood genius living in Brooklyn/Chicago/Portland whose wife left you because you’re an insufferable tool, and you take drugs because you can’t care, and you haven’t made a meaningful connection with anyone since your cocker spaniel, Rosebud, died when you were ten, but that doesn’t stop you from detailing your meaningless and incessant sexual encounters in unending detail. You are the worst. The actual worst. How do you keep getting written? I don't understand.

#books #sundry